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Post by silentone on Nov 13, 2008 9:19:34 GMT -5
**I got this email today and thought it was funny! I am sure we have all received emails about one or most of these things that are stated...Long but funny!!!
Thanks to you all...
I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.
I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.
Or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can't touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258 th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I won't touch margarine, as it is just one molecule away from being plastic.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains, nor do I drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.
I can no longer buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
Neither will I go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise...
I won't shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but my own because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 14,000 people in the next 14 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 1,000 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin’s beautician...
Have a wonderful day....
Oh, by the way.....A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
End of Forwarded Message
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Post by mbucksfan on Nov 13, 2008 11:49:39 GMT -5
No tour. We were told to sit in the back and not bother the poor man. We wandered alleys too. Once we ran away from home but only made it a block-Mom sent a lunch that day too and told us we weren't allowed to cross any streets or play in the sand pit. We hid under a big bush and ate lunch and told ghost stories. Got scared and went home
Love the new one Cammy. I think I have had all those emails. Snopes is an emailers best friends.
1 thing that isn't on there but is true. did you buys see the latest on what is growing on the supermarket carts you put your groceries in and push. Ewwww. Eating those free sam,ples and pushing those carts-I've been exposed to everything that I wasn't already at the hospital. No wonder why my immune system is so strong.
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Post by 2ton on Nov 13, 2008 19:37:52 GMT -5
At our local grocery store, they have a stand with germicide wipes so you can disinfect your cart. All those years I never even thought about the push bars on carts! How did I ever survive! But then, if you keep everything disinfected in your life, especially with babies, how can you develope antibodies...it's like a viscious circle! You gotta live with germs to be protected from germs, lol!
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Post by ange4mig on Nov 13, 2008 22:36:05 GMT -5
Funny post, Cammy! You don't realize how many of those you read until a bunch are included together. There were plenty of new "warnings" too!
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Post by 2ton on Dec 1, 2008 22:46:43 GMT -5
I got this on my Australian Shepherd message board and I thinks it's something that everyone can appreciate.
A Pet's Ten Commandments.
1. My life is likely to last 10-15 years. Any separation from you is likely to be painful.
2. Give me time to understand what you want from me.
3. Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well-being.
4. Don't be angry with me for long and don't lock me up for punishemnt. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment, but I only have you.
5. Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to me.
6. Be aware no matter how you treat me, I will never forget it.
7. Before you hit me, before you strike me, remember that I could hurt you, but I choose not to bite you.
8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I am not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too long, or my heart might be getting old and weak.
9. Please take care of me when I grow old. You too, will grow old.
10. On the ultimate difficult jouney, go with me please. Never say you can't bear to watch . Don't make me face this alone. Everything is easier for me if you are there, because I love you so much.
Take a moment today to thank God for your pets. Enjoy and take good care of them. Life would be a much duller, less joyful experience without God's critters.
Now, please pass this on to other pet owners. We do not have to wait for heaven, to be surrounded by hope, love and joyfulness. It is here on earth and has four legs.
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Post by silentone on Dec 10, 2008 10:49:30 GMT -5
________________________________________ In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb" ------------------------------------------- Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only.Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language. ------------------------------------------- The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and Wilma Flintstone. ------------------------------------------- Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury. ------------------------------------------- Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better. ------------------------------------------- Coca-Cola was originally green. ------------------------------------------- It is impossible to lick your elbow. ------------------------------------------- The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska ------------------------------------------- The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...) ------------------------------------------- The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38% ---------------------------------------- The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400 ---------------------------------------- The average number of people airborne over theU.S. in any given hour: 61,000 ---------------------------------------- Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair. ---------------------------------------- The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer. ---------------------------------------- The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments. ---------------------------------------- Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David Hearts - Charlemagne Clubs -Alexander, the Great Diamonds - Julius Caesar ---------------------------------------- 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 ---------------------------------------- If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes. ---------------------------------------- Only two people signed the Declaration ofIndependence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later. ---------------------------------------- Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what? A. Their birthplace ---------------------------------------- Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested? A. Obsession ---------------------------------------- Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"? A. One thousand ---------------------------------------- Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? A. All were invented by women. ---------------------------------------- Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil? A. Honey ---------------------------------------- Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year? A. Father's Day ---------------------------------------- In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase.......... "goodnight, sleep tight." ---------------------------------------- It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon. ---------------------------------------- In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's" ---------------------------------------- Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice. ---------------------------------------- At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow! ---------------------------------------- - Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? ---------------------------------------- YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when... 1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. ~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself. Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to!
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Post by mbucksfan on Dec 10, 2008 11:27:35 GMT -5
Those are cool facts. I can't imagine drinking Green Coke. One fact I have a very hard time believing is Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace That doesn't seem possible but they must have gotten the data somewhere. I guess most kids under 18 live near their birthploace if the parents don't get transferred at work and that would add a sizeable percentage. How many here meet that statistice=. In my house only my two sons do-for now
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Post by 2ton on Dec 10, 2008 21:11:37 GMT -5
Not me nor Darrell! But both my kids and their hubbys and kids...yes!!!!!
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Post by ange4mig on Dec 10, 2008 23:52:40 GMT -5
Cammy, those are fabulous! They're so funny, and true! The one about licking your elbow made me break out laughing - both times.
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Post by 2ton on Jan 2, 2009 17:27:14 GMT -5
Just saw a blurb on my email front page that TMZ reports that John Travolta's son Jett (16) has died on a vacation in the Bahamas. I would hope it's not true, but I don't think even TMZ would report it if it wasn't corroborated. So very sad.
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Post by laurkat22 on Jan 3, 2009 16:19:34 GMT -5
I've heard that it is true about John Travolta's son. I read that he had a history of seizures and hit his head in the bathtub. So very, very sad
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Post by silentone on Jan 14, 2009 7:40:13 GMT -5
Beware of Garbage Trucks By David J. Pollay
How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you're the Terminator, for an instant you're probably set back on your heels. However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly one can get back their focus on what's important.
Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab. Here's what happened.
I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!
The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy, and I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!"
And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck."
Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you.
When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did."
So this was it: The "Law of the Garbage Truck." I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: At work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said, "I'm not going to do it anymore."
I began to see garbage trucks. Like in the movie "The Sixth Sense," the little boy said, "I see Dead People."
Well, now "I see Garbage Trucks." I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day.
What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?
Here's my bet. You'll be happier.
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so.. Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance , TAKE IT! If it changes your life , LET IT! Nobody said it would be easy... They just promised it would be worth it!
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Post by mbucksfan on Jan 14, 2009 12:15:14 GMT -5
very inspirational Cammy!
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Post by 2ton on Jan 14, 2009 20:42:51 GMT -5
How better the world would be if everyone could see the garbage trucks!
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